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BRING YOUR GARBAGE INTO
—A CRAZY SIGN—
THE MAGAZINE THAT DARES TO BE DUMB
(our competitors were the ones who dared us!)
Art Directress D emeritus
ARTISTS THIS ISSUE: Murad Gum en, Walter Brogan, Bill Burke, Alan Kupperberg, Tony Tallarico,
John Langton, Diane Levin, Vic Martin, Ray Billingsley, Dave Wenzel, Sam Viviano,
John Stevens, Mike Pardo, Dave Manak, Kent Gamble and Gary Brodsky.
WRITERS THIS ISSUE: Fred Wolfe, Paul Kupperberg, Michael Pellowski, Roger Francis, Joe Kiernan,
Bob Heit, Phil Hlrsch, Bob Rosenbloom, Jim Simon, William Sullivan,
Marylyn D'Amico, Sara Arthur and Joe Thadummi.
FRONT COVER: Bob Larkin
BACK COVER: Lenny Grow
-IN THIS ISSUE -
MANHOLE COVER: Con Edison
Specialized Trophies 36 | No Respect 38 I Monster Limericks 42 ■ Waats Happening 45
CRAZY MAGAZINE Is published by Marvel Comics Group. Office of Publication: 575 Madison Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022. James E. Gallon, President; Stan Lee.
Publisher. Published monthly- Copyright* 1977 by Marvel Comics Group, a Division of Cadence Industries Corporation. All rights reserved S75 Madison Avenue.
New York. N.Y. 10022. Vol. 1. No. 33, January 1978 Issue. Price 60' per copy in the U.S. and Canada. Second-class postage &•'••'• •" New York, N.Y. and at additional
mailing offices. All business Inquiries should be addressed to Ed Shukin, Director of Circulation. 9th floor. No similarity between any of the names, character*,
persons and or institutions in this magazine with those of any living or dead person or Institution Is intended, and any such similarity which may exist is purely
coincidental. Printed In the United States of America. Th is periodical may not be sold except by authorized dealers and is sold subject In the conditions that if shall
not be sold or distributed with any part of Hs cover or markings removed, nor in a mutilated condition. Second-class postage paid at New York, N.Y. and at additional
ATTENTION KIDS: DONT BE A DROPOUT - STAY IN SCHOOL AND DRIVE THE TEACHERS CRAZYI
^;- ;; " ""
1 really liked No. 24, except the
part about the Marithin Man. Now
I'd like to see you write something
dumb about that!
Rahnert Park, Cal.
Nonny nonny nonny nonnyna!
I used to read Mad, then I
bought Crazy. Boy, I sure went
crazy reading it! I won't buy
anything else but Crazy now. And if
you print this 1 will really buy them.
Thank you for writing such a terrific
Grand Prarie, Texas
Thank you for writing such a
Since you did a story on Kink
Konk why don't you do one on
Jensen Beach, Fla.
You must want us to go ape
Your mag. is the best, but too
short. It's better than Mad, Cracked,
and Sick, but please make it longer.
Sorry, but our printer feels that
11 inches is long enough!
You have got to be Mad or
Cracked to print Crazy.
Yes, and a little Sick too!
I went to the store the other day
looking for some Mad books. They
were all sold out so I got Crazy
instead. Now I'm a loyal reader. To
get right to the point, I would like to
know if you would do a movie satire
on 'Silver Streak'?
We will, as soon as we can figure
out a "loco" motive!
In issue No. 28 I didn't like the
way you answered any of the
letters. But, I did like the little guy
who carries the signs!
What makes you think he isn't
the one who answered the letters?
...If you don't print this letter I
will jump off the skylight at school!
Here's your letter-we wouldn't
want you to drop out!
I never shoulda
to the CRAZY editor!
I think CRAZY is a great maga-
zine. But what got me upset was
that in August #28, a person by
the name of Bruce Roepe said Mad
was better. Either you're crazy,
Bruce, or mad about something!
Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.
Or just a little cracked!
I used to love "Mad" and hate
"Cracked", but now I have aban-
doned them and I love "Crazy".
In the first issue I ever read, No. 29,
there was "The Crazy Book Of Things
You Never Could Figure Out As A
Kid". Now I am forever quoting
That's how our editor got
I really like your covers, especially
the one about Pres. Carter in the
place of George Washington and
Donny & Marie in place of American
Gothic. Could you do in the future
Bob Newhart in place of Blue Boy,
Phyllis instead of the Mona Lisa and
Mary Tyler Moore instead of
Love to know what your full
name is instead of those initials!
This is the first time I read CRAZY
(No. 25) and I want to tell you I en-
joyed it. I really liked the one about
"Happiness For Today's Modern
Kids". Keep up the good work'.
If we do, It will be more happi-
ness for today's modern kids!
Your writers must be very freaky
and weird when it comes to writing
stories and other dumb things. I've
always wanted to be as dumb as
your writers and smart in their ways.
You know what I mean?
We would if we were smart!
I liked your Issue #29. It was the
first CRAZY I ever read. I was sick
for a whole week...
New York, N.Y.
What happens when you read
Sick— do you go Crazy for a week?
Anita Bryant has no place to
go to have her hair done!
In Issue #27 you made a mistake.
In the Contents Picture 13, it says
"Using Wrong Products". It should
say "T.V. Scenes We'd Like To See".
That's what we'd like to see on
T.V.— wrong products!
! Iij<e all kinds of magazines but I
think CRAZY and Mad are the best.
But when I read Issue #22 I flipped.
I thought CRAZY was better than
So you're the one!
I liked Darny & Merrie in #28 so
much I wanted to buy three editions
but I had bought the last one. And if
you don't print this letter I'll make a
CRAZY magazine fire!
Shhh!... that's next season!
I really like reading "Crazy News
Of The Month" everytime I buy
GRAZY. I don't see how you can
pack million-dollar humor in a 50-cent
Pleasent Grove, Ala.
It's difficult— sometimes it's so
chock-full, we have to sit on the
covers to close the magazine!
I noticed a blooper in Issue #28.
It was in the "Marithin Man" page
48. In one place on the page you had
the marithin man's and ShmelPs
We tried it the right way and it
wasn't as funny!
I am only 8-years-old but I'm
probably your number one fan!
Fort Smith, Arkansas
Sounds possible. Our No. 8 fan
is a 2-year-old!
I think you should do a satire on
"Voyage To The Bottom Of The
Sea", "The Omen" and "The Brady
Bunch". If you don't print this letter
I'll take issue #10 through #26 and
burn it along with my other garbage
New York, n.y.
For the sake of pollution, here's
What I want to tell you is that I dig
your mag and sleep right next to the
newstand not to miss an issue. In
this connection I would like to tell
off Mr. Alain Houlliere from France
who wrote to you (issue No. 27) to
claim French fun mags were much
better and that "You'll never get per-
fection we know in France without
writing in French". My standpoint
is that this dummy is either a die-
hard dingo or an out-of-the-way nut!
Patrick Alan Gaglio
Now let's see what Mr. Houlliere
thinks about your letter. He'll probably
say you're in-Seine!
Why don't you try a satire on if
doctors made television commer-
cials? That might be funny...
Sorry, we don't do "sick"
TAKE A LETTER TO CRAZY
Marvel Management Group
575 Madison Avenue
New York, N.Y. 10022
Here is CRAZY'S version of
«Ptnrt o( the year. No, i
In fact, in drive-in theatres they i
their horns at the end to signify approv;
Which is a sneaky way for us to call it.
Pordon me, folks — 1 couldn't help noticing that
strange-looking bottle you have fhere!
Oh thi»? We took
it from an old
Hmm— 1 didn't know
:: Remember thai medallion
found? I knew it looked
familiar! Here's a picture of
an old ?5th Century Spanish
noblewoman— and she's
wearing it around her neck!
That's no oh
I'm only kidding! That is an authentic
medallion all right! While it was on □ ship
crossing the Bermuda Straits 400 years ago
if was sunk! If we can find the pendant
thot was attached to it, we can prove it's
□ legitimate treasure! If not, it'll make a
heckuva Crackerfack prize!
row for the res
'II look for the pendant
e sleep — 1 gotl
yet another m
j vie I'm
Man, is this my year!
Here come my two guys now! They
must've found Ihe pendant- -
judging by the way they're sitting
n top of the world! Can't wait to see it!
There's a paper
what's so valuable
tript of n
year's big sea movie— ™ what I call th.
in the tradition of JAWS I j bi 99est treosu
and THE DEEP— ° f ,heiri all !
The karate instructor who has a
The stewardess who sits on the
pilot's lap during the flight
The best friend who offers to look
after your wife while you're gone
The Candid Cameraman who
suddenly appears in your bedroom
The lady in front of you on the
crowded supermarket line
The girl you took to the drive-in
who insists on watching the movie
The guy in the alley who wants to
sell you a watch
The cashier who puts up the change-of- ine
price sign just as you reach the box-office you on that business trip to Pan
Writer: Joe Kiernon Artist: Tony Tallarico
IN THE NEWS
Salt Lake City, Utah: Mrs. Betty
Gloggens, a Mormon housewife,
gave birth to triplets this month-
all girls. She named them Faith,
Hope and Welfare (she's already
had it with charity!) This makes
it 19 children in the Gloggens'
household— all girls. When asked
what she would do now that she
has three more girls at home,
Mrs. Gloggens replied: "I
dunno— keep trying for a boy,
Philadelphia, Pa.: Local residents
Max Garber, 96, and Sally
Quimper, 93, were married this
month— the groom claiming he
"had" to after getting her in
"trouble". The happy couple
spent their two-week honeymoon
getting in and out of the car.
Chicago, III.: At one sitting,
Arnold Zapp of nearby Cicero, ate
21 lobsters, 16 fried clams, 9
crab legs, 6 flounders, 3 red
snappers, 2 salmon steaks and
6 striped bass. Afterwards' he
said he felt fine, but his stomach
now goes in and out with the
Detroit, Mich.: The star Tigers'
outfielder, Tony "No Nose"
Futterman signed his contract
this month. Tony has been a
hold-out. He hasn't played since
946. In fact, he hasn't been in
one game in over 30 years. Only
last month he was so fed up he
remarked "I think I'll get out of
lAddVH-aaDOIUl SI Sd30Od AOd
Plains, Georgia: Billy Carter, the President's brother, just signed
to star in a new movie "Ma And Pa Kettle Get A Hotfoot". Biliy
leaves for Hollywood as soon as he can pack a six-pack. Asked
if he thought he could act, Billy replied, "I'm a great actor! Who
do you think taught Jimmy how to act?"
Washington, D.C.: President
Jimmy Carter suffered a serious
accident recently when he got a
bad bump on the head and two
knocked-out teeth, resulting from
a punch thrown by his daughter,
Amy. She said she was fed up
with peanut butter sandwiches,
peanut soup, peanut meat loaf
and peanut milk every day. As
Amy put it when she zapped her
father: "Nuts to you, Man!"
Cleveland, Ohio: The late Mrs.
Martha Wetback, a Shaker
Heights housewife, left one and
a half million dollars to her pet
dog, "Roland" (should he sur-
vive her and he did!) Mrs. Wet-
back attained her great wealth by
saving tin foil, shoe laces, stale
bread and occasionally holding
up banks. Roland barked, "I'm
going to buy me 3 pet cats and
a split-level dog house!"
Rome, Italy: A book has just
been released here about Michel-
angelo, which explains exactly
why it took him seven years to
paint one ceiling. Seems it was
a civil-service job. It further
states that Michelangelo, although
he loved doing windows, refused
to do woodwork. They had to
have a girl come in twice a week
to clean up!
DURING THE FIFTIES, PEOPLE HAD TO SHOP IN
BIG CITY STORES. DURING THE SIXTIES CAME
THE SUBURBAN MALLS WITH THEIR SELF-SERVICE
BARGAIN CHAINS. NOW, IN THE SEVENTIES
WE'RE BEGINNING TO SEE YET ANOTHER DE-
VELOPMENT. ..WAREHOUSE STORES! UNFOR-
TUNATELY, PRICE-SLASHING CAN'T BEGIN TO
KEEP UP WITH INFLATION, SO AS PRICES
CONTINUE TO SOAR, IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE
WE SEE THE ULTIMATE IN BARGAINS...
CROOK BROS. WAREHOUSE
AUTOMOBILES. Dozens to
choose from. Sorry, no
keys. $100.00 ond up. We
also have several police
cars. Empty, $350.00
With attack dog in
BOOKS, BOOKS, BOOKS
And more books. AH
popular library editions.
Libraries have lousy
security! Only 50<t each.
KEG OF NAILS...
Saved up when we
took stuff that was
nailed down! Only $5.00
HANDBAGS. ..Wide variety o
sizes, colors, and contents
Carried by little-old ladies
who only dared to walk on
Sundays! $4.00 each.
"AlUVd 3WVS 3H± 01 01SIUHO 31NOW dO 1NHOO 3H1 ONV S31NVQ QNnwaS 3J.IANI l.NOQ
GENUINE MINK STOLE. ..Well, it may not be mink,
but you can bet your life it was stole! $750.00
HATS AND COATS...
Right off the racks!
Many worn only once.
like Howard Johnson'
and Red Coach Grill
ABANDONED CHILDREN. ..The
perfect addition to any household
or write to original parents and
collect the ransom
yourself! All ages
or regular. All sizes
shapes and styles.
CANDY. ..It was easy
taking candy from babies,
and we're passing on the %
savings to you! 10* per
nam If you don't see what you want, let us knew and we'll
get it for you at super-savings! If you see something that
was yours to begin with, tough nuggiss! If you have a
problem with any merchandise, we'll stand right behind you. \
That's so you won't db able to see as! WE WILL NOT BE
ASK YOUR LOCAL FENCE FOR DIRECTIONS.
Today people i are deciding early in life exactly what they went to be when they grow up. Five-year-old children plan on being millionaires.
ven-year-old girls plan on being sex symbols. Nine-year-old boys plan on being dirty old men. Now some professions have particular requireme
Vou may not have the necessary equipment to be what you want to be. For example, do you want to be a coach or a gym teacher'
Check your gear! See if you have what it takes to make the team! Mainly, follow...
CRAZVS QUICK CAREER
or HOW TO BECOME A BIGWIG IN SPORTS
IN FOUR EASY LESSONS Writer: Michael Pellow.kl
(or one hard one) Artltt: Tony Talldrlco
1. YOU MUST LOOK LIKE YOU CAN DO THE JOB EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN'T. . .
2. YOU MUST HAVE THE FOLLOWING ACCOMPLISHMENTS
TO YOUR CREDIT. . .
You must have a contract
stating that you had a try out
with some type of pro sports
Certificate of Attendance
The R A*. Polecats
<rf -the Eas-tevn
League will pay
»5.°-2 i-P he
tooth pick in
3. YOU MUST BE ABLE TO PERFORM CERTAIN PHYSICAL FEATS.
Z- .»-> «
You must be able to do one push up, one chin up. You must be able to squash a person's palm
one sit up, etc. You only have to be able to do when shaking hands. You must have a super
one of each exercise because you only dem- strong grip. Only your right hand has to be
onstrate each exercise one time. strong. The rest of your body can be weak.
You must be able to perspire
profusely. Coaches and gym
teachers are expected to look
You must have scars on your You must be able to palm a
knees and a phony storey about basketball or be able to hold 5
how you got hurt In a cham- baseballs in one hand,
You must be able to draw X's
and O's on blackboards. You
don't have to know any other
You must be able to throw a
perfect spiral, a full court pass,
or a curve ball.
Last, but by no means least...
You must be able to blow a
whistle. This is your most im-
4. YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO DO CERTAIN MENTAL THINGS TOO.
Some students are reluctant to participate In A coach must be able to deliver Impromptu pep-
physical activities. A coach must calmly and talks at a moment's notice,
logically persuade them to become Involved.
A coach must be an amatuer phycologist, subtle- Above all, a coach must set a good example for
ly making hts team realize how important win- his players to follow,
You're a senior! You've been
he team for four years! Forgetting
your plays is (ike forgetting
your own name! Say! What is your
Although winning is Important, a coach must A coach must live by the I
demonstrate how to lose gracefully. he sets down for his players.
One of the major problems lacing Americans today It Unemployment. Million! of people
are out of work. We feel the Carter administration should come up with a plan to gat these
folks back an their coffee-breaks. During the Great Depression of the 1930's. President
Roosevelt created the W.P.A. to help the unemployed get back on their feet. Today the
work force needs work. And so we worked up this workable article which we think will
work. If not, back to the Unemployment Line for the writer who though up...
NEW JOb IDEAS
Writer: Jos Klernan Artist: Dave Manak
Salary: $8,000 per year. An extra allowance of 6 bucks a week is
given to buy eyedrops for overworked eyeballs. Education: None--
you must have to be alive and have a will to put in long hours.
Duties: To sit on the beach and count all the girls wearing bikinis.
A bonus is given for finding girls who are topless.
Pay is 3 bucks
required for thi
growing. Also noting hi
n hour and all the grass you can eat. Education
position: 7 weeks in any jungle, swamp or golf
ntry. The work takes place outdoors and consists
ground and keeping track of how the grass is
olor changes in the sunlight. Next
his field: looking at astro-turf.
92,000 dollars a yar-if you know anyone who works for any of the
following, Walter Cronkite, Secretary of State Cyrus Vance or Stan
Lee. Education requirements: anything you got is O.K. For 2 hours a
day you lay on your back and look at the passing clouds lo see what
they look like to you. Whether it be ducks, faces, boats, the state of
TRAFFIC CONTROLLER FOR ANTS
5,987 dollars o year. 35 bucks allowance to buy a magnifying glass.
Duties of the jab: Keep ants in line when they cross streets, beaches
and people sleeping on picnic blankets. Education needed: 3 hours
in any back yard.
TV COMMERCIAL COUNTER
Pay is $10,000 a year ($12,000 if you own a TV set). Education: at
least 3 years of viewing "Welcome Back, Kotter." Purpose of work:
To find out tiow many commercials the network can ram down the
throats of the American public in a 24-hour period.
PARK BENCH TESTER
Pay is 100 dollars a week or 20 bucks a day. Some people only work
one day because they get mugged in the park. Educational
requirements: Must be able to write name, count up to 10 and read
Wet Paint signs. Work consists of testing park benches to see if they
ore sturdy and termite-free.
FIRE PLUG FEELER
Pay is 9,000 yearly (9,500 dollars if you don't have hang-nails).
Education: Must be able to tie own shoes and wave good bye. Also
must have talent to get along with dogs. Reason for job: To see that
the fireplugs do not leak. Also to see that no plugs are stolen.
Pay is 21,000 dollars □ year (24,000 dollars if you can recite the
poem "Trees" without laughing). Education needed: One week in
Kindergarten or four years at Yale. The job is to go talk fo lonely .
trees for at least an hour. Many trees in this land of ours are
without friends. Be a pal to a poplar or a friend to a fern.
Pay is 245,000 dollars a year. Education: 4 years of college, 6 yei
of Medical School and 8 weeks of auto repair, if you have none of
the above, you may get the job if you can prove you voted for Jimmy
Carter or have bought gas at brother Billy's Service Station. Job is to
walk around in your town every morning and put water in the
birdbaths. If you cannot find any birdbaths, you take a robin to
Heehaw! Hoo heel
Funnneee! Haw how! Ho hoi
And he's holding the
magazine upside down yet!
HUMOR MAGAZINE READER
Pay is 76 cents a week (98 cents if you don't wear glasses).
Education needed: If you have walked post any school in the last 12
months you will do. Work consists of reading all comic books, humor
magazines and stuff like that. While you're reading, if you find
anything that'strikes you funny, you write it down and send it to the
United Nations in care of Captain Kangaroo.
In the public's interest, we present
this article as a hint to would-be
inventors who want to create
machines that will benefit all mankind.
Because these are definitely...
< IT TASTES ") THAT'S 0SCAUSe YOU
/-IKE J C5E DIRT TO MAWS
ipy GROUND ^IT INSTEAD OF BEANS !
* I COFFEE
g to resort to
WE SORELY NEED
Writer: Jim Grodus gjsgjg
noawAs sioas v si iHsasavHvw am
You receive that long-awaited $5000 royalty checlToh
your new book ... and it comes the exact moment your
wife asks you to buy her a new $5000 mink coat!
You finally get your boyfriend to buy you that expensive
necklace of cultured pearls ... and the next day you
read about the police discovering a rash of imitation
You finally realize your heart's ambition, that of opening
up a quarter car wash ... and you go broke because
nobody wants to have only a quarter of their car washed!
You rent a new luxury convertible to go out riding with You have a group insurance policy which covers the
you r beautiful new secretary ... and when you stop at a sickness you have ... and you find out that if s no good
red light you'll see your wife crossing the street! unless the entire group gets sick!
You succeed in having your father promise to get you that
new car for your birthday . . . and it's moments before he
gets a look at your school report card!
You go down to City Halt for your driver's license and
accidentally get in the wrong line . . . and you wind up
married to a Toyota!
You hear the pilot in the airplane you're flying say that the
plane has just hit a simple air pocket and there's nothing
to be alarmed about . . . and you find out if s a recorded
Your psychiatrist finally uncovers your problem, that you
have a very bad suicide-complex . . . and from then on he
makes you pay in advance!
You have a new electronic pacemaker successfully instal- You go to a Sunday double-header at the ball park and try
led in your heart . . . and every time you sneeze the to take a picture of the 60,000 fans in the grandstand . . .
garage door will open! and it won't come out because somebody moves! 25
IF YOU THINK THERE'S TOO MUCH VIOLENCE ON T.V. NOW, YOU WON'T BE SEEING MUCH LESS IN THE
FUTURE BECAUSE PEOPLE LOVE IT! IN FACT, IT JUST MAY SPREAD TO OTHER FORMS OF ENTERTAIN-
MENT... SOMETHING PEOPLE CAN ACTUALLY TAKE PART IN! IF THIS HAPPENS, WE COULD END UP
SEEING THINGS LIKE....
THE BOARD: Shows a symbolic map of
New York City.. .Central Park surrounded
by streets and buildings. All divided into
squares, like chessboard.
Game is played by three people, who
choose roles. One will be the 'assailant',
one will be the 'VICTIM', and one will be
the 'cop'. Persons interested in justice
and fair play are advised not to become
Players can break down these roles
even further. For example, 'assailants'
may call themselves 'muggers', 'hit men',
or 'tax collectors'. 'Victims' may be
'little old ladies', 'stoolies', or 'marathon
men'. 'Cops' can disguise themselves as-
anyone.. .even law-abiding citizens!
rS VIOLENCE GAME
PM TAX MENffeoOO 5 -*
tfwooo'- 1 -
Am THE HO0RS\
^AH6 GOOD J
AMP AtL YOU CAN
BURN,BA©y y BuRH
Writer: Roger Francis
Artist: Tony Tallarlco
RULES OF PLAY:
1) Players lake turns, the nastiest
(probably the cop) going first. Each
player rolls the die, and may move
that number ot squares in any
direction, with the following in mind:
2) The assailant is always attempting to
(arid on the same square as the
victim. When he does, he gets up and
beats victim over noggin with black-
jack. Then he takes whatever cash
victim has 'earned'. (See rule 4)
3) The cop is always attempting to land
on the same square as the assailant.
When he does, assailant offers him a
'cut' of the stolen money. If accepted,
cop moves in opposite direction.(NOTE:
Cop must also do his best to avoid
4) The victim is alway attempting to
land on the 'business' squares to
'earn' amount shown, and as assailant
closes in, attempts to land on same
square as cop. If he does, cop mis-
takes him for radical and uses mace,
bazooka, or missile. Whatever seems
5) If all three happen to land on same
square at once, 'assailant' must go to
'prison' (shown at lower right on
board) and pass up a turn. This will
only amount to a term of several
minutes. Talk about realism!
6) Game ends when victim finally
passes out from wounds received. At
this time, cop and assailant count
their cash, and wealthiest wins!
NOTE: You may wonder who is dumb
enough to play the 'victim'. Many people
are. The ones who leave their doors un-
locked, carry large amounts of cash,
or smoke cigarettes!
IMNId V SVAA 3d3A3a invd
Do-Gooders are people who are well-meaning, well-intentioned busybodies who usually wind up
getting it in the end. To show you what we mean, here is . . .
WRITER: BOB ROSENBLOOM ARTIST: DIANE LEVIN
Take a look at celebrity autographs and whattaya see? They all look alike, that's whattaya see! There's
no individuality! Since most celebrities have their own images, what we should have are...
Writer: \j £) £) 4) £) Ar,U,!
Warren Emery JHHMpT ■/ 1/ W ■/ A ™" Ma V
What's the big music sensation across the nation? Discol...Now wo'va got some dances
you've never oven heard of. Lessons start right now - so put on. your platform shoes and
turn up that radio. ..Arthur Murray, eat your heart out-because here's...
CRAZY'S STEP BY STEP
Writer: Joe Thadumml
Artist: Vic Martin
>] Couple starts at opposite
ends of the disco floor
and Hustles towards
each other, being careful
not to run over other
Couple forgets to stop
Hustling, and meets in
the center of the dance
V • J
^ *• s#
This dance is a natural,
especially after having
just done the Crazy
Hustle and the Crazy
THE GOTTA GO
This dance occurs when
one member of the
remembers he left his
car lights on after
Couple dances with
hands over ears in order
to avoid listening to loud
disco music from band.
Slightly harder than the
regular Cover Up, this is
dancers only, and you
can't cover up your
Girl has no offers (except
from local dog catcher)
and is forced to dance
Clod forgot to wipe feet
before returning to the
dance floor in this one.
This is what happens
^y/.j when King Kong tries to
%§£(*£• do one of these disco
^SS numbers. Not recom-
" mended for anyone un-
der 60' tall.
Male partner must have
two left feet and must
plant one of them on his
partner's right foot by
Entire disco crowd gives
up trying to follow these
idiotic footsteps and
"splits" to the Pizza
Parlor next door.
HUNG IN THE HOME OF A
MEMBER OF THE BLACK
HUNG IN THE HOME OF A
MEMBER OF THE
HUNG IN THE HOME OF AN
HUNG IN THE HOME OF A
SQUEALER OR A COP-HATER
HUNG IN THE HOME OF A
HUNG IN THE HOME OF A
\00% Pure. Bull
HUNG IN THE HOME OF A
MARRIED COUPLE WHO ARE C.I
HUNG IN THE HOME OF A
HUNG IN THE HOME OF A
&%mme& and f ^ / uJiJmM
£' Artistr Johr
THE OUCH-THAT SMARTS PLA-
QUE (awarded to karate students
who drop out of class}
THE BEER CAN PLAQUE
(awarded to those who produce
natural gas during tuel shortage)
THE PEANUT-PUSHES PLAQUE
(awarded to people who once
campaigned for Jimmy Carter)
THE GOLDEN SPLINTER BENCH
PLAQUE (awarded to team ath-
letes who never play in any of the
THE STOLEN HUBCAP PLAQUE
(awarded to guys who take rip
them off of moving cars)
THE SCREW-BALL PLAQUE
(awarded to all those who sub-
scribe to CRAZY Magazine)
FOR BORROWERS v
YOU'RE NOT GETTING
breakfast table your talking cereal gives you ...You buy a parrot to talk to and it only learns to say
ttreatment! three words: "Shutup, stupid!"
...The postman thinks your name is "Occupant" ...When you go to the zoo, you find that the monkeys
because you never get letters addressed any other way ! throw peanuts at you !
You buy an attack dog from an obediance schoo , ...Things are so bad, you try to make a deal with the
tell him to heel, and he bites the back of your foot! devil to sell your soul, and he doesn't want it!
ANY RESPECT IF
...You go to a pet store, ask for a pet that suits your ...You take an army physical and are classified 40-F
personality and the man sells you a worm in a dixie cup! which means you go only if the enemy invades
10 o'clock an
ts never knew where you were at ...You open the door of your attic and discover that
d couldn't have cared less ! termites have devoured your hope chest.
...You go to a Hamburger King restaurant and they ...A 98 lb. weakling kicks sand in your face at the
refuse to make a burger your way ! beach in front of your new girl friend.
■I«l T 01l
REACT IN AN
TAKE THE CRAZY EMERGENCY TEST AND FIND OUT!
Artist: Gary Brodslcy
If you noticed a cyclone heading your way, would you: If a friend pointed a loaded revolver at you, would you:
A. Button up your overcoat? A. Tell him that he is no longer your friend?
B. Complain because you just combed your hair? B. Give the muzzle a dirty look?
C. Yawn? C. Tell your friend that it is rude to point?
D. Turn towards home in hopes it will blow you there? D- Try to talk him into a game of Russian Roulette?
If caught right in the middle of an explosion in a fireworks
If you were making a speech and your pant
factory, would you:
fell off, would you:
A. Just stand there and watch?
A. Be glad you are wearing clean underw
B. Try to hitch-hike a ride on a Roman Candle?
B. Keep your shirt on?
C. Regret that it wasn't the Fourth of July?
C. Take a bow?
D. Go all to pieces?
D. Try to keep a low profile?
When caught in an earthquake and noticing u
opening between your left and right legs, would you;
A. Do a jig?
B. Do a hand-stand?
C. Complain about your bad luck?
D. Pull yourself apart and make a wish?
If you were in a plane, looked out the window u
noticed the wings fall off, would you:
A. Inform your fellow passengers that the pla
will be landing sooner than expected?
B. Buzz the stewardess and request a final meal?
C. Take two aspirins?
D. Climb out and try to fix it?
off the track, would you
A. Stay perfectly ci
B. Decide that you will ask for your money back
C. Yell "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel"?
D. Get nauseous and throw down'
coaster and your car suddenly fl
id remain seated?
If you noticed tha
meteor, would you:
A- Look for a helmet?
B. Look for a cop?
C. Try not to look up?
D. Look but don't touch?
about to be struck by c
r't going 100
If you were involved in
s traveling 90
A. Express relief that the
miles an hour?
B. Search the glove compartment for band-aid
C. Give both drivers a piece of your mind?
D. Get out and take a bus?
If you were three feet from the mouth of <.
A. Look at your watch so that when the authorities
find you, you can give them the exact time of the erup
B. Look for a fburide toothpaste to apply to the mouth?
C. Move away one more foot?
D. Go back because you didn't say "May I?"
OF NOTRE DAME
d quite deal, yet a lea
»-:■>>•.,.■: ■■ :•- . --.? .>
■:: r -c
K 7 1
ISlr 1 '
HER£ X WA!
THE INVISIBLE MAN
[ Stroked r
HOW COME YOU
. T NEVER TAKE ME TO A
5*t& V BROAPWAY SHCM/?
J -;coFFf j-|:
These Martians were really quite bold
Causing War Of The Worlds to unfold.'
The A-Bomb couldn't pop them,
And man could not stop them.
The Martians dropped dead from a cold!
1 now THAT'S
WHAT I CALL.
DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE \
HOW DID GEORGE
WIN AN ELECTION
IF THERE'S SO MUCH
HATE IN THE WORLD-
HOW DO YOU ACCOUNT
FOR THE POPULATION
OF THE MONTH
WEATHER: CHILI TODAY, HOT TAMALE
ALL THE FITS THAT'S NEWS WE PRINT
WRITER: PAUL LAIKIN
NEW YORK, N.Y....A noted TV-hater
claims he now has a five-foot
screen in his living room. He keeps
it right in front of his set!
WILMINGTON, DEL... A local
obstetrician reportedly put himself
through medical school by working
in the post office here. Trouble is, it
now takes him three months to
deliver a baby!
CINCINNATI, OHIO.-Phone service
is getting worse every day. A survey
has shown that it now takes twice
as long just to get a wrong number.
HOLLYWOOD, CAL...Not only are
some of the recent films bigger than
life— they are ten times dirtier than
life. One movie just released is so
sick that they gave it a rating of Rx.
PLAINS, GA.... Billy Carter is doing
his best to conserve energy these
days. He flies without a plane.
Incidentally, there's a new fortune
teller in Plains who doesn't use tea
leaves, She reads from a bowl of
DETROIT, MICH.... A fellow
hereabouts invented a car that
gives 500 miles to a gallon.
Unfortunately, you only get 200
miles to the car!
MOBILE, ALA.. .A recent poll con-
ducted shows that 80 percent of the
men cheat in America. The other 20
percent cheat someplace else.
UGANDA, AFRICA... Everybody keeps
putting down Idi Amin but his
country must have the best doctors
in the world. Ever hear of a Ugandan
dying of old age? And speaking of
Uganda, you should see the crowd
when Idi Amin speaks. Such enthu-
siasm. Why, people hang on his
every word !
WASHINGTON, D.C.... Nixon said he
covered up to shield his associates
who shared the courage of their
convictions. Seems however, that he
got the courage and they got the
UPI EXCLUSIVE: Idi Amin has just
eaten Andrew Young!
LONDON, ENGLAND. ..Lloyds of
London has reported that Farrah
Fawcett-Majors has insured her
chest for $1 million dollars. And x
that's just against theft!
TV SATIRE: . ,
Today's television viewer is subject to an untold number of situation comedies each and every week...and they re
all pretty much the same: BAD! Try as they will, television producers have failed to year after year to come up with
anything new. One producer though, thought he had the answer...an all-black series that portrayed blacks as they
REALLY are today. Trouble Is, this show only depicts the minority MIDDLE-CLASS BLACK. Nowhere do we find any
mention of the WAATS-TYPE GHETTO BLACK. In fact, just once we would like to see a real down-to-earth...
up lo thi
s finally caught
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO STEAL YOUR COPY-
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(and let us steal your money instead!)
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coupon with EIGHT (S) BUCKS for the next TWELVE (12) ISSUES (including
the SUPER GIANT SPECIAL) . This way I won't feel [ike stealing and robbing
anymore. After 12 issues of CRAZY I'll feel like maiming and killing!
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AMERICA'S NO. 2
(Let the others fight over who is No. 1)
THE MAGAZINE THAT IS PRINTED WITH RECYCLED JOKES!